A lot of the time, when people meet me at events, they just assume that I’m a brat and in many ways that may be true, but what if I told you that in being a brat, I was actually being a good girl?
You see, when we imagine the “good girl” (or boy! None of this is exclusive, just my own personal circumstances here!) we imagine somebody who is meek, compliant, obedient, doesn’t answer back. When we meet somebody who answers back nearly every time, calls us out on our sh*t and will give you answers other than the ones you were looking for, we call them brats. Why is that?
Sometimes it’s a simple matter of personal taste, but sometimes there are far greater matters at play. Some of these so-called “Dominants” who label a a so-called “brat” are really just labelling someone who called them up on their sh*t instead of obeying them without question. Once, when I told a potential suitor that I wasn’t agreeable to give him control of my orgasms 24/7 and that he wasn’t suited to me if he couldn’t respect that, he called me a brat. When I told another Dominant that I find the silent treatment to be emotionally abusive and didn’t consent to it’s use, I was told “well you should do as you’re told, then”. Both of these individuals should send alarm bells ringing because sadly, in our community, both of these types of people exist.
To me, there are two types of “brat”. “True brats”, who will push all boundaries and do whatever it takes to be punished, and feisty “brat” submissives. They are not the same. As a switch, I dealt with the former. As a submissive now myself, I am the latter.
When dealing with what I like to call a “true brat”, this behaviour is quite frequently aggressive and manipulative. When I was a switch, one of my submissives at that time had no qualms about threatening to overpower me and breaking all of the rules for punishment. Usually I would punish him with almost no reaction at all and then, when he was calmer, we’d discuss the cause of the behaviour and how we were going to go forward. “True brats” also quite frequently reject the chosen punishment in favour of what they really want. Instead of asking for an activity in a polite and acceptable manner, they resort to “topping from the bottom”. For many people, myself included, this sort of behaviour can wear thin quite quickly and often to the detriment of the relationship.
With feisty submissives, our intentions are completely different. Our intentions are to make you smile, to make you proud, to improve your experiences and help you grow. I will push back against anyone who tries to tell me that I’m not a good submissive because you are not my Dominant and my Dominant would want me to stand my ground out of respect for him. I will answer back to my husband because he enjoys the wit and verbal sparring and it gives him a reason to “punish” me. We playfight because playfights lead to power struggles which usually lead to rough sex, biting and choking. I tug at knots and joke during scene play because when I do eventually go into subspace, the complete capture is more rewarding for him and the absolute surrender is more rewarding for me. It is how we play, it is not up for anyone else to judge. How you play may be very different.
Personally, I reject the label of “brat” because to me, I am not doing anything that I have been asked not to do, by him. I have my rules and I obey them (most of the time, but I at least ask for permission to drop the “C bomb” first!). If I’m unusure about something, I ask him for his guidance. Of course, if you have a problem with my behaviour then you are more than welcome to speak to my Sir, but don’t be at all surprised if the reaction you get isn’t the one you want.